things i will never say

And today, I shall write about things which I will never say, for various reasons…

Like say, to vice-principal and Mrs. Sick Grape-who-went-thru-a-food-processor-and-completely-bitched-up-her-brain (note the initials, fellow Portals-of-hellites) at the Portals of Hell, the things which I am about to say:

Scene: sitting in bus in close proximity to Mrs Sick Grape…happily shooting crap with a friend of mine, about whether, a few minutes ago, my sentence “Chandy, what are you eating?”, could be misheard as “Sandy, what are you eating?”, and the effects on the ecosystem if such a grave error is commited…and watching the general reaction of mindless fun on Hellised Brains: mainly half grins, and a couple of threatening glares, which are to be smiled away.

Mrs Sick Grape…: [turns around, delivers dialogue in one single breath] Why don’t you stop everyone’s life? [and goes back to pretending to be in deep conversation with the lab assistant]

What yours truly would like to say to Mrs. Sick Grape…: why, do you have a problem? Well, if you do, why don’t you sit somewhere else? Right now, you’re sitting on my head, and its giving me a bastard of a headache. And I’m pretty sure the little fucker will go away if you do get off my head, and take away all the crap you’ve brought with you too.

What yours truly does say, or rather do, is stare like a goldfish who just lost his marbles, at the back of Mrs. Sick Grape’s head, completely taken by surprise by the sudden guerilla warfare. Turns around, gives a look of utter perplexity to fellow mates, and goes on as usual…

Like say to my juniors next year, in the assembly, when they start off with I-cube (note to the unknowing: I-cube is our college fest, which I, with a bunch of fellow Hellites, organized)

Good morning, to all the people present here. Yesterday, I'm told, you guys were initiated into I-cube, told about it for the first time and all that. Last year, a bunch of us…about twenty in all, poured our hearts and soul into this fest. One of them was me. But after the dream was over, the others forgot about her. I couldn’t, and still cant. She is still my baby, the baby who I nurtured, helped grow…the dream which I wanted to go on forever…before I turn her over to you, a few things…she is still an infant, who needs to have very good care taken of her. She is still very young, and can’t take care of herself…she needs to be bottle fed, her bottom wiped clean every time she feels fine…she needs to wrapped in a blanket whenever she’s taken out in the cold, and don’t forget to rub some sunscreen on her face and arms, when you take her out to the beach. I am like a mother, who can’t bear to give her baby to some strangers…please handle her with care, she is extremely fragile…and take very good care of her…oh when she says “ghai”, it means that she wants her back to be rubbed…and she feels fine atleast seventeen times a day, so be well prepared with change of clothes. And, don’t buy that powder for her, she develops a rash immediately. Please, take very good care of her [I break down]. [recovering] she means a lot to me…she was my girlfriend for a while, my regular one being put on the backburner (sorry ‘bout that, my girl)…she meant a lot to me…
All the best.

And a last conversation, or rather, the millions of conversations, I’ve had with my girl (a real live one, not something abstract) in my head…conversations where I'm spontaneously witty, humourous, insightful, intelligent, caring, and a lot more…but when I'm with her, I don’t need all those conversations…when I'm with her, I forget all those things I said to her inside my head…coz I don’t need to say them…and just let myself go…I go away with her, riding on a magic carpet, far away from the Portals, far from the weird (yet fascinating) creatures that inhabit it, from scary mom-figures, from material wants, from everything…

Oh stranger, take me away,
Take me away from this land,
From this land to a strange one.

A land where there is no right or wrong,
A land where there is no rich or poor,
A land where there is only you and me.

Oh stranger, let’s go away,
Go away from this land,
From this land to a strange one.

A world that is for us to create,
A world that is for us to mould,
A world that is for us.

Oh stranger, I do trust you so,
Even though we met just a while ago,
Let’s go away from this land,
From this land to a strange one.


Yours truly